Boiled at a Different Degree

I'm sort of baffled by the concept of it. I've never written (and sent) a fan letter to anyone. I almost posted my peculiar ode to Gus' eyebrows... but no. I mean, what can one say? What should one say to these people that only by the visibility of the work that they do, do they earn our admiration. The able performing of their duties gives them access to praise and critique from every Joe Schmoe with a LAN line or just some cut up old newspapers, glue and an ax to grind. I mean, I don't know about you but in what other professions do you get a random evaluation/declaration of adoration/hatred/women's panties/death threats... all in the standard course of doing your job? Here are some examples of what I think this might look like.

Dear Mr. Falafel Vendor,

The way you sold me that Gyro and recommended the Tahini sauce, was just so totally like totally awesome. You and I should get married! I want to have your spicy Greek babies!!!!

XOXO

or

HOTTY MaiLMAN!1!

SQUEe!! U maek me happay when I has mails. Inclosed u will find a srprise. and Luv. U+Me=4evah
luv yr #1 FAN

or

Retard,

Stop breathing, you waste of hot air, the way that you collated my copies for the presentation was an abomination of the highest order. What kind of retard uses sans serif on a presentation for the Japanese, clearly you have no brain. Kinkos used to be good, before you cocked it up.

DIAF

or

Dear School Lunchlady,

My daughter is dying of mylittleponyitis cabbagepatchetus a rare degenerative disease that begins to manifest in early childhood with an over fondness for pigtails. Her very dearest wish is to spend the day with you, lunchlady. She so admires and respects you and it would make these few short months we have left with her more bearable.

c/o Make a Wish Foundation

Meanwhile, I'm still on the first draft of my fan letter.

Finals are over, I managed an A in Chem... miracles happen. :P