fufumira | Techno Elderly (Reply)

Tech tips from the elderly.

My grandmother is tech adorable people, simply too cute for words... especially when it comes to the delightful e-mails she occasionally sends my way. I've learned a lot from her and consider myself considerably more tech savvy and world wise now than before. She also does not send along every email she receives and is delightfully droll regarding some of her more gullible little old lady friends. (my dad bookmarked snopes for her)

Here are my favourite tips from Grandma. (as interpreted by me)

1. Don't label the contacts in your cell phone correctly, this only helps people that are trying to steal your money by txting your significant other for the pin for your joint bank account. I think this also falls under relationship advice. Don't marry someone that would give up your pin number over a txt message, or conversely, don't marry someone that can't remember the pin number to your joint bank account.

This is why I will be relabeling all of my phone contacts to obscure science fiction references that only I understand. If I have your number on my phone, don't be offended if you're Jar Jar instead of Mace Windu, k? It's supposed to be confusing to bad guys.

2. Label your emergency contact with ICE before their name. This way the hot paramedic that just ripped open your shirt to give you CPR will know who to call to notify that you nearly died from choking on a Dorito. This way they are not calling the seven hundred random strangers whose numbers you picked up that one time you went to the con and who think your name is ElfLord432. Of course, if you've followed tip one and scrambled the names of your contacts the paramedic may be dialing ICE chewbacca, meaning your harry cousin Joe. This tip may not come in handy for some of the people from the Stargate Thread as their devotion to Top Gun means one or two of their buddies may go by the moniker, Ice Man.

3. Use proper grammar, it is the only way to get ahead. I'm not certain, but to be sure I'll be spell checking my txt messages from now on using the New Ox-Eng-Txt Dict.

4. If you are a woman. Vote. I know this seems obvious, but since we didn't have the right to vote for a long time, we should take every opportunity to do so now. Vote in local elections, vote for the new flavor of Doritos, vote for your favorite Americon Big Brother Amazing Top Runway Chef Idol by txting your opinion to their service. It may cost you some money, but isn't it worth it to excercise your rights?

She also sent me a couple of prayers, a funny picture of screaming money, a video of a car ad, which I can only assume was warning me of the dangers of high gas prices and driving while talking on my cell phone. I'm less certain what lesson the story about the beached whale was supposed to convey... watch out for sharks and fin fungus?